Thoughts
by zxGenesisxz
Summary: Rukia has feelings for Ichigo and she does not know what to do with them. Please read and review...Positive criticism is greatly appreciated.
1. Prologue

_**A/N - This is my first fanfic. This is an AU fic with ****some Manga reference. There might be some fluff along the way.**__** I am rewriting it because I want it to be better.I will try to keep our beloved characters as we know and love them, but do keep in mind that some fluff will sneak up.  
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_**Please Read & Review.**_

_**I know you know Bleach and all it's characters belong to Kubo Taito *genius*  
Just borrowing my muse Rukia and Ichigo.**_

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(The story takes place in Ichigo's room where Rukia is sitting at his desk and begins to write out her thoughts of the day...)

I sit in front of my mirror and realize that the love I feel for you will never be.  
Even though we have a few years apart, you have come inside my heart. As hard as  
I try to set myself free, I cling on to you with more desire and cannot separate myself  
from you.

I cry because I have lived this far and to realize I have not felt like this before.  
Yes, I have loved, but not like this. I know that as hard as I try, I can never be with you or you with me.

You have grown so much since the first time we met. Maybe being on the brink of death brought clarity to my soul, because I saw in you the raw love and fear of your loved ones. I know I have never shared this with you, but I never knew the true meaning of loving your own flesh and blood. The way you fuzz and fight with your father, even through that I see the love and connection between the both of you. The way you protect your sisters and willingly die without fear or hesitation for them...

I admire the way you are fearless and bold in protecting your friends and your family and anyone whom is defenseless and in need of protection...

I cry because I will always love you with all my being and all my breath and all my existence. Even if you were to wither away from this life, I could never stop thinking of you, inhaling your smell or hearing your words of kindness, your harsh reactions, your scowling look, and with each thought my heart will hurt because the love that is inside my tiny heart would continue to grow and exist even with out you present.I cry because I know you will never love me as I love you...

(She begins to cry and crumples the paper where she bared her heart and soul. She throws it away in the trash can. The crumpled piece of paper touches the ream of the waste basket and falls behind the waste basket.)

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**Please Read and Review :-) Positive Criticism appreciated!  
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	2. In The Beginning

**A/N~ I want to thank any one who left a review for the first part of my story. To return your kind gesture here is Chapter 1.  
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**Please read and REVIEW, so I know I do have readers who are interested in the story....**

_**Disclaimer- Bleach belongs to the genius that is Kubo-sensei!**_

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**CHAPTER 1: In the Beginning**

Rukia felt somewhat relieved after writing down her thoughts on paper. She knew she could never verbalize her feelings in to words, let alone have the boldness and courage to tell Ichigo face to face. She decided that the best thing to do was move out on her own. Although she was strapped for money, she would find a part time job or something. She would think about it and figure it out. There was one thing Rukia was and that was resourceful. She would figure out a way to make her move without giving herself away to Ichigo. She needed to be away from him and that small room she shared with him for so long. To be away from the only family she really knew. To be away from Ishiin, Karen and Yuzu who were nice and sweet and treated her like one of the family.

She would definitely miss hearing the Father and son's early morning fights. She would miss Yuzu's cooking delicious meals. She would also miss Karin's sarcastic comments.

She would miss the Kurosaki family very much. Yet, as much as she loved them, she could not continue living under the same roof as Ichigo.

As she began gathering her small belongings in her favorite Chappy bag, she continue reminiscing on the wonderful memories she had of Ichigo and herself...

_**~*Flashback*~**_

She remember the first time they met in Anatomy class back 2 years ago. It has been a Wednesday, and Matsumoto-sensei was know to give surprise pop-quizzes out of no had studied religiously the past few day because she did not like to be taken by surprise. Rukia always tried her hardest to be ready for anything and everything. These where some of the wise words her beloved sister Hisana had bestowed upon her since she was a child. As Matsumoto-sensei entered the classroom, all male (and some female) eyes fell upon her voluptuous body.

Rukia would always look dumbfounded at how obviously perverted the male population in her class were. Although Rukia did admit to herself that Matsumoto-sensei was a gorgeous woman with more than just a beautiful face, but also with enough assets to make someone like Rukia feel self-conscious of her lack in certain physical areas.

Rukia immediately realized that the guy with the spiky bright golden orange hair that sat next to the window in the far left corner never once drooled or looked at Matsumoto-sensei like the rest of the male students in class. Rukia immediately found him a bit interesting because he always seemed to be deep in thought and had a serious scowl in his face. She was curious about him, why he did not act like the rest of the males in her class. She was looking at him with such an intensity that said boy turned around and stared back at her. Rukia gasped at the look of his had never seen such intense eyes, and the color of his iris was like honey, or a golden sunset. As she shook herself out of her stupor, they boy got out of his seat and walked over to her seat.

Rukia instantly panicked when she realized that he was coming over to her seat. She did not know what to do, so the only capable thing that came to her petrified mind was to look down at her notebook and doodle Chappy the rabbit and try her hardest to run to her happy place. She wanted so baldy to kick herself for being so incredulously moronic. Rukia's desk was on the far right, close to the door. She always liked to sit next to the door so she could leave faster and make it in time for her next classroom. Today seemed that she should have considered running out of her classroom and out of the boy's way. He kept his eyes on her and then rushed past her and exited out the door. As he passed through her desk, Rukia swore she was about to faint. She did not know what to do. Once she realized that he had left out of the classroom, all she wanted to do was either for the floor to miraculously open up and swallow her whole or for Chappy to become magically alive and take her back to Chappy land where she would never have to come back. Just as she considered her options, Matsumoto-sensei said the 2 worse words she could have uttered: POP QUIZ! The class as a whole moaned in complaint, Rukia pulled out her lucky Chappy pen and put on her determined face that she was ready for the pop-quiz and that she was going to do her best and ace it! As Rukia continued refreshing her mind in the few minutes that she had left before Matsumoto-sensei passed out the pop-quiz, she felt that someone was looking at her.

She looked up and looked around to see if anyone was looking at her. When she noticed that one one was looking at her, she told herself that she must have been concentrating really hard that might had made her feel she received her quiz paper, her determined look took over her face and she began to take the quiz.

One thing Rukia was not aware of that the boy with golden orange hair had looked at her intently.

After 30 minutes Matsumoto-sensei rose from her chair; "Alright class, time is up! Now the fun part begins. Since we have 20 minutes left, I will be calling your name and pairing you with another of your classmates to go over each other's quizzes. This will give all of you an opportunity to review the material and receive 10 extra points for correcting your mistakes. As I read your name raise your hand and I will tell you who your partner is, let's begin Arisawa, okay, Asano, okay you two will partner up, ....Honsou, okay, Kojima, you two will pair up... Inoue, okay, Ishida, you two will partner... Kuchiki, okay, Kurosaki, okay you two pair up... Rukia almost chocked in her own saliva when she saw the person that raised their hand... the hair with golden orange hair raised his hand when Matsumoto-sensei called the name Kurosaki out...

Rukia became agitated as she began to collect her belongings and begin to move 3 desks down to be sitting next to the golden orange haired boy named Kurosaki. As she schlepped herself across the desk, she felt uneasy, her inner self was screaming - "RUN RUN RUN!" She tried breathing slowly and told herself : "Rukia Kuchiki, what in the world is wrong with you? This person is only a boy. Why are you acting like a girly girl? Kuchiki's do not act girly and definitely do not run away. So calm down!" She exhaled slowly and thought of Chappy for a while and then found herself feeling better. She took the desk next to him and she waited for Matsumoto-san to pass the pop-quizzes back to them so they could go over the answers together. While she waited she began to doodle Chappy in her notebook. While she was deeply enthralled in her "art" she was knocked out of her concentration when she heard some one's voice snort and said voice said "what in the hell is that? a rat?" Rukia felt her temperature rise and her eyes turn red towards where the voice came from thinking out loud: "Who the hell would dare call Chappy the RABBIT a rat!" She began to yell and fume to the voice that had the nerve to call Chappy such a horrible name! Her eyes locked with his and she felt her insides melt. She gasped and turned her face back to her notebook and begin to fiddle with the edge of her page. The golden orange haired boy said to her "Oi! What the hell was that all about? Who do you think you are midget to be yelling at me out of no where."

Rukia's eye began to twitch, first this orange carrot top called Chappy a rat, and now he was calling her a MIDGET!!! No one dare make fun of a Kuchiki and survive to tell about it. She turned around, got out of her desk and went over to face him face to face. "Look I don't know who the hell do you think you are carrot top, but no one calls me a midget, you overgrown buffoon!" "Ha, take that you pushover" Rukia thought in her head. Said carrot top started spurting "Blpt, carrroot top,bb--bb-uu--ff--oon!?!?!" He got up and began to yell at her:

"Dwarf!"

"Orange!"

"Mini-woman!"

"Jerk!"

"Loud-mouth!"

"Overgrown carrot!"

"Bitch!"

"STOP YELLING!" Matsumoto-san yelled. "Kurosaki Ichigo and Kuchiki Rukia both of you can spend more time together after school in detention where you two can spend more time yelling sweet nothings to each other." Ichigo said "sweet what? What are you thinking? I don't like this midget." Rukia glared at her, "what makes you think I want to spend time with Strawberry."

Ichigo turned bright red in anger and this only caused Rukia to chuckle in amusement. Matsumoto-san gave them both an evil glare "Shut up or Get Out!" They both sat down automatically and shut their mouths...

She was abruptly awoken from her flashback and began to pick up the pace when she looked at her cellphone and realized it was already 4pm. They would all be home in about an hour.

She picked up her shoes and took one last look at his room, his desk and her... well his closet. She would miss him terribly. But the ache in her chest brought her back to the reality that she needed to hurry up. She called Tatsuki one last time to make sure it was okay to stay with for the night...

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_**A/N- So I hope you guys have enjoyed this chapter. If you enjoyed it or not leave me a review so I know you are reading. If I do not receive any reviews, then I won't be encouraged to post the next chapter which *gasp* is almost done! If you leave a review, I will definitely get back to you.**_


	3. The Discovery

_**A/N - Disclaimer- Bleach belongs to the genius that is Kubo-sensei!**_

_**Zombie Powder also belongs to Kubo-sensei.  
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**CHAPTER 2: **_**The Discovery**_

As Ichigo returned from his internship training at Karakura Hospital he was trying to relax and began to ponder that following in his Father's footsteps was going to be a lot of work. Even though he was not oblivious to the fact that becoming a doctor would require a lot of work and sacrifice, sometimes he wondered if it was all worth at the end. As he took a shower to unwind of a day full of lectures, blood and body parts, his mind wandered off to his favorite manga "Zombie Powder" by the ever ingenious creator Kubo Tite. He truly enjoyed his work and the main star of the manga whom had a very secret dark past...Ichigo scoffed "hmmm so obvious" and the main hero was really heroic and a bit full of himself, and even through that tough exterior, he managed to posses a kind heart towards individuals whom life had been unfair to, just like himself. He pondered about how cool it would be to be just like him, but that reality only existed in fantasy and in the creative recess of his mind.

He figured that being a doctor was the closes thing to being able to save people from dangerous situations. I mean, it does not get any more serious than life and death situations, right? As he entered his bedroom he wanted to ask Rukia if she had made up her mind about going with him to the Children Pediatric ward in Karakura to share one of her new children books and consider assisting the new director in having a monthly training session with the interns in Artistic Therapy. Rukia was very talented in the arts; from writing, acting and dancing and according to some "weird" people (according to Ichigo) drawing/painting. She loved children as much as she loved her favorite character in the whole universe: Chappy the rabbit.

Ichigo always laughed silently whenever he thought of how obsessed Rukia was with Chappy. And you better make sure not to call it a bunny or all hell would break lose. Whenever Ichigo thought about it , he swore his shins would tremble in fear of Rukia's painful kicks.

Once he drifted back to reality, he noticed that his room was kind of quiet. He also noticed that his favorite stuffed Lion, whom Ichigo named Kon was missing. Ichigo figured Yuzu had Kon since she had previously tried to take it away from him.

Yuzu knocked at Ichigo's door. "Ichigo dinner's ready. By the way, have you seen Rukia? I have not seen her all day, and her Chappy the rabbit is gone from her bed?"Ichigo looked at Yuzu and began to wonder why was Chappy missing? "Is it that time of the month already? Truth be told, Ichigo knew Rukia had a secret ritual she did with Chappy the rabbit doll twice a month. She "secretly" took Chappy to the cleaners to be steamed cleaned. Then she would take him to her weekend job to tell stories at the local library here in Karakura. Who would have thought Chappy would be so popular? Although to Ichigo's ingenuity, "Saturday reading with Chappy" was popular among 1 to 6 year old children.

You might be wondering how did Ichigo come to get a hold of such a precious "secret'? One word: Yuzu. Yes, that is correct, Yuzu was one of the non-1 to 6 year old individuals (besides Rukia) whom enjoyed Saturday reading with with Chappy! One year ago, on a sunny Saturday afternoon Yuzu had come home thoroughly excited from the local library with a flyer that was announcing a new program that would begin in two weeks She was flapping the piece of paper up and down as she was sharing the news with her Father, whom (not surprisingly) had been as excited with the news as Yuzu.

Please do not make me describe my Father. You only need one word: Insane. Enough about him... So I happened to walk by as Yuzu was excitedly sharing the news to the insane "adult" in our family. While I was overhearing the news I grabbed the piece of paper from Yuzu's hand to see what she was so excited about. As soon as I saw the doodles on the paper I knew who had made the fliers.

There is only one person that doodles like a kinder-gardener, and it was obvious when I saw the grinning rabbit. No doubt about it, it looked like Rukia's doodles. So I asked, "So Yuzu, when is this new program beginning?"

"It starts next Saturday. I have to share this with Rukia!" Yuzu ran upstairs to look for Rukia and share the "wonderful" news.

Oh those were good memories. I have to remind Rukia about that. I do hope she considers helping out with the children. She would be a tremendous help for insight in helping draft a proposal to the board of directors at the hospital to assist the psychologist and therapist in developing a derivative tool to assist them in working with the children. Al thought I am a bit scare to think that the children to become miniature maniac fans of Chappy the bunny. His mind wandered of as he pictured Rukia explaining how to mix black and red to make pink to color Chappy. She would have pain on her hands and her cheeks as she would giggle along with the children. A warmth began to grow in Ichigo's center and it began to spread across his body. The more he thought of Rukia, the more the warmth spread. Ichigo snapped out of his daydreaming haze. "Why am I so warm? It's not hot in here. Hmmm... okay..."

He sat down on his desk and began reviewing the cases he had taken care of today. As he continued reading Yuzu came in to his room to bring him a cup of black coffee and cookies. Yuzu had tried futilely for years for Ichigo to consider having his coffee with either a bit of coffee creamer or half & half, but he would not hear or do anything to mess with the strong flavor of his coffee.

"So Ichigo do you know where Rukia is? I wanted to ask her if she would go shopping with me for tomorrow's dinner."

"No I do not know where she is, I will call her once I finish reviewing my files. Thank you for the coffee Yuzu."

"No problem. Oh yes don't forget dinner will be ready in a few minutes."

Once Yuzu left, Ichigo returned to reviewing his file when his cell phone rang. While trying to get his cellphone he dropped one of his files on the floor. Ichigo answered his phone while he looked at the floor. "Ichigooooo where are you? Why are you avoiding my calls?" Ichigo rolled his eyes as he listened to Keigo go on, as usual about avoiding him and his call. Even though they had already graduated high school and moved on with their lives, Keigo continued to be Keigo. Always trying to come off as a happy go lucky guy, when in reality he was full of insecurities and wanting to spend time with Ichigo as much as possible. Ever since Ichigo began his internship at Karakura Hospital, it had become literary impossible for him to spend time with anyone, including Rukia.

Becoming a doctor was a lot harder once you began practicing theories. Yet to Ichigo it was all worth it. To save a life, was well worth all the stolen hours of sleep and headaches that he was going through as he began his journey on becoming a doctor. Ichigo's mind drifted to wonder where Rukia might be since it was 5:15pm and she was not back home yet. He was brought back to reality when Keigo began screaming in his ear "Hello Hello are you there Ichigo? Are you still ignoring me? What a cruel friend you are! Your long time friend is calling to see how you are doing and this is the thanks that I get? Ichiiigooooooo"chigo sighed "Keigo I have been really busy, you know going to school and becoming a doctor? What have you been up to?"He heard Keigo cry "Ichigo you are so cruel, why must you rub it in my face that you are becoming a doctor when I am still deciding what to do with the rest of my life. Not all of us have a plan like you, you know?" Ichigo rolled his eyes once more, and the file that had fallen from his hands earlier came in to view. He got down to pick up the field from the floor that had fallen behind his chair, when he noticed a piece of paper that had fallen to the side of the waste basket. As he was about to reach for it Yuzu screamed "Ichigo dinner is ready." So Ichigo grabbed his file and put it on his desk. "Keigo I got to go, dinner is ready and if I don't go Yuzu will get upset and take away my food. So I will talk to you later and think about your future" Keigo responded "But but you have not even talked to me, why do you do this? why" *Click* Ichigo shut his cell phone off and left it on his desk as he went down for dinner.

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_**A/N - I have seen a lot of people read the story. Please take the time to hit that green button that says Review. You can leave one word or longer. Positive criticism is always appreciated. Next chapter in the works, so please review so I can magically become inspired by your reviews.  
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